I once had a lieutenant that stalked me. Literary stalked me. He would come to my door or tier I was on and chat me up. He would call me out of my college classes at night by telling the school staff he needed to discuss a medical issue or make up some other excuses. The LT liked me hard. But he was really there to flirt and try to impress me with stories. Stories about life beyond the walls that confined me.

I’m not going to lie, I enjoyed flirting. I was flattered. But the other women incarcerated with me saw this as special treatment and got jealous and reported it. Either that or they were wiser than I was at the time and understood that he was trying to exploit me. I didn’t understand that then.

One day after the other woman reported him, the LT came barreling down the walkway toward me, as I was headed to the chow hall. He pulled me aside and said in a whisper, “You put me on front street. Now I’m going to do what I have to do to save my job! So get ready!”

Just like that, before the tears of embarrassment and confusion even formed, he was gone. I was so confused, What was “front street” and why was he so angry? I didn’t understand that someone had reported him. I was so mad I turned around and went back to my cell. “Forget lunch,” I thought. This ass ruined my appetite.

Later that day I’m still in my cell, hungry and mad at myself for not eating lunch, when my thoughts were interrupted by my name being called over the intercom.

Then my cell door clicked open. I jumped to the door but it relocked before I could slide push it open, so I pushed the intercom.

“State YOUR MEDICAL EMERGENCY” the guard on the intercom balked.

“Ah… you called my name and popped my door, but I missed it.”

The lock clicked open again.

I pushed the door and walked down the tier to a second door that had to be clicked to unlocktoo. I could see through the glass that there were several COs and two female captains. I wondered what they wanted and then realized I had forgotten about the incident earlier.

I did not get a chance to ask what was happening as I walked into the dayroom.

One captain commanded me to put my hands behind my back, then COs clasped the cuffs on me. They escorted me to a table and asked me to sit so they could put the shackles around my ankles. I started to cry silently knowing what would happen if I didn’t comply. I cooperated and shuffled along as they escorted me to SEG, also known as solitary confinement, for what the Captain called, “An investigation.”

As I was being pushed into the cell in the E-tier, and then stripped buck naked. Demanded to bend squat and cough.

I did this so routinely I blocked it out as a dealing mechanism.

I tried to think about what might have happened? Like why was I here? What lies had been reported.

I had never done anything with the LT. Not a hug, not a kiss or even a cheap feel. No physical contact what so ever.

What the fuck was being investigated?

I later learned that a woman named Dakota had approached the LT and threatened to tell the brass or higher-ups that he was messing with an inmate.

Scared to lose his job, the LT had written incident reports stating that I was sexually harassing him.

He claimed that whenever he called me out of school it was because, rather than punish me, he was trying to tell me why my behavior was inappropriate.

The two Captains that escorted me to solitary had doctored up and back-dated the reports the LT wrote. It was all a ridiculous lie to cover his ass.

I had listened and smiled and flirted, but I never ever confessed that I even ever liked him back, not to him not to anyone.

He wrote in his backdated statement that he tried to let me down gently as he felt sorry for me and didn’t want me to be trouble. Because I had been locked up for so long, the LT said he understood my desperation for male attention.

I felt betrayed and powerless when I read these words.

When they first questioned me, I didn’t know about what the LT had written. So I stood lying for the LT and denied that he ever even hinted to me that he liked me. I told them, “No he’s entirely professional.”

Meanwhile, he’s off making me look like a stalker maniac who can’t leave him alone.

When an inmate is put in SEG during an investigation, the brass claim it’s not to punish. The protocol, the brass says, is to keep you away from the staff you are accusing or being accused of having “inappropriate relations,” as a former president so graciously put it.

This also meant that the LT was supposed to stay away from SEG while I was there. But not only did he have the audacity to come onto my tier in SEG, but he walked up to my cell door and said, “Did you get a ticket yet?”

I said “No.” The LT walked away.

I was almost to tears. I was confused. I still didn’t know about the statements.

What I did know, was that a female guard was now at my steel cell door squatting down talking to me through my open food trap she was questioning me. First acting concerned with how how was feeling. Then she brought it to asking me if I was saying I was having a relationship with any of the guards or LT’s. I said, “No, I’d never do that.” What about Lt. L? She asked.

I lied, “No like I keep telling everyone he’s never been anything but professional.” Little did I know, the LT was downstairs at the CO panel with the cell intercom secretly turned on listening.

The female CO pretended to be concerned with my well-being, but she was actually setting me up. Trying to find out what I was going to say.

Next thing I know, even after the LT came to SEG when he wasn’t supposed to, he had even more balls. I was given a ticket written by the LT, and signed off on by one of the female captains.

A ticket is a discipline or infraction. My ticket was for disobeying a direct order. The LT said I disobeyed a direct order because he told me “on numerous occasions to stop pulling him over on the walkway and writing him requests.” He said he “had incident reports as evidence and two captains that were monitoring my escalating inappropriate behavior.”

On the day the Discipline Officer came to review tickets, he had to walk by my door.

“Hey Mr. W,” I said, “are you going to hear my ticket?”

He turned around and said, “Bernardi, you don’t have a ticket. You’re just here under investigation.”

I said, “Yes I do,” and slid the copy of my ticket under the door to him. He picked it up and read it.

“When did you get this? And who gave it to you?” He paused and looked at the ticked again. “I’m not touching that ticket. This cocky bastard shouldn’t have been anywhere near you!”

I was thrilled. The LT’’s ticket was going to get thrown out, I just had to get through the rest of this investigation. On day 14, day they let me out of SEG.  

Normally, when a person gets out of SEG they go to the Assessments Unit as post-solitary punishment. Then they wait in Assessments, also known as 3-South, for a bed to open up in a general population housing unit. The administrator who is in charge of reclassifying us to a new housing unit intentionally tries not to rehouse us where we were before going to SEG. It’s like an additional punishment to deter one from going back to SEG.

 The system can establish all the detergents in the world, but sometimes – like this investigation –  we don’t choose solitary. It is chosen for us. So as a secondary punishment the administration keeps us as separated and uncomfortable as possible.

After I was released, I was put directly back onto the tier I was on before SEG. This was practically unheard of. In my naïvete, I thought it meant the administration realized they had made a mistake in putting me in SEG. I thought they probably walked the LT out of the facility after violating the investigation and showing up in SEG when he was forbidden from going near me.

As I was in the chow hall for the first time after being out of SEG, happy to be reunited with my friends, I was shocked to see the LT lurking behind a food service worker passing out trays. He stared at me down like he thought his eyes had some igniting power and he could burn me alive. All my friends noticed, and advised me to look away. I did.

That same night its cell-cleaning time. My window faced a walkway and when I looked out it I suddenly saw the LT outside staring at me. His hand were on his hips and his face was sneering at me. “Holy shit!” I thought “this guy is crazy!”

The LT must have worked a double. Why wasn’t anyone keeping him away from me? I told my friends to look at him, and when they do he just walked away.

The next day I was called to the Disciplinary Board. A different Discipline Officer said I still have a ticket pending.

“Sir that has to be a mistake,” I said. “One doesn’t leave SEG with a ticket pending.” Tickets are either heard and you get sanctions, or its thrown out and dismissed. I added, just for clarity, “I know my handbook sir!”

“Normally, Miss Bernardi, that is the case, but per the Warden this ticket still exists.”

I was shocked, “Okay so can I plead Not Guilty?” I asked. “And I’ll tell you guys the whole truth.”

 I had already finished my 14 days in SEG. If they found me guilty, I would just get time-served anyway. The Discipline Officer said, “Fine, we will see you Thursday.”

Later that same day I’m in my cell when the intercom goes off. The CO said, “Bernardi you’re moving after count. Grab bags and pack up!”

I immediately started to cry, “But sir, I just got moved here this has to be a mistake!”  I was happy to be back on the tier with my friend. The CO said, “Look those are my orders. Either comply or you’re going back to SEG!”

“Sir can you at least ask someone?” I begged. The CO clicked off my intercom and a few minutes later he popped open my cell door. Someone had tied plastic bags to the outside handle. I took them into my room and started to pack my stuff. The intercom chirped again and the CO said, “Got that answer for ya Bernardi. Apparently you pissed someone off! The warden sent you a message. He said, “Until you can learn to keep your mouth shut, you can sit in a unit with short-term inmates and watch them go home everyday!”

I only complied because I had no choice.

Thursday was the day that the Discipline Board came to hear tickets. I was mad because I knew that if I told the truth, which I was planning to do, I would never go back to my original housing unit and be with my friends.

I sat quietly and did not defend myself. I was found guilty, given 14 days time-served in SEG, 14 days loss of commissary, and 90 days loss of visits.

About two months later,  the LT got caught having sex with another inmate and was walked out of the facility. I was immediately moved back to my long-term housing unit with my friends. No more watching people go home for me.

            That should have been the end of it, but about a year went by when another male CO walked up to me and identified himself as the LT’s best friend. The CO said, “He asks about you a lot and to ask me how I was doing.”

I said, “Sir, with all due respect, tell your friend to fuck off!”