Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.

Dear Old Self,

I see you still keeping it 💯

Sincerely,

Me

Dear Readers-

You know I had to start this prompt response with something silly because I guess I’ve never imagined myself getting that old. Or very old at all. Truth is I have really high anxiety and very bad anxiety and I often think about my own demise.

I don’t really know how it’s gonna happen but I always think when I go to sleep that I might not wake up the next day. Sometimes I think I’m going to die in a car crash. Sometimes I think it’s gonna be a heart attack sometimes I think I’m gonna be murdered or killed in crossfire.

I’m always conscious of the fact that no one knows the day and no one knows the hour.

Once in a while, I’ve caught myself imagining getting very old and again I have anxiety Imagining myself as someone with dementia, or some kind of memory deficiency that causes me to lose sight of everyone I love.

So to be honest because of all the anxiety, I never really even try to imagine what my older years will be like. And this struck me funny because I’m 51 years old right now and I feel like I’ve lived forever so I can’t imagine another 49 years. My body aches as it is the one good thing about being 100 is that hopefully by then I’ll be done with menopause.

I wonder if I’ll be shorter. I wonder if I’ll have any teeth left or be all gums. I wonder if I’ll be one of those women who just says any old thing and stop being conscious of other people’s feelings and opinions.

But really I wonder if I’ll make it to 100

Or even tomorrow…

I think my job isn’t really to know how long I’m gonna live. My job is to make sure however long I am allowed to live. I live at the best way that I can so that the legacy I leave behind is a good one.

When I’m gone, I want them to say Tracie was someone who made a very serious mistakes that caused irreparable harm but she was someone who really became better and was able to use her lived experience to help many.

I want them to say that I was an amazing mom, wife, daughter, sister, family member,friend and advocate.

I thank God for whatever time I have on earth and I hope I make a difference….