Wait you’re thinking, “you have a five-year-old son, you’ve only been home four years!” And you are right- physically I know not what it is to bear a child in the natural way. But God bestowed upon me a blessing just the same.

In prison without an actual release date, I was not going to leave until I was at least fourty two and fourty- five who knew? If I was well behaved. and lucky. How would I ever have a child I wondered? Friends use to tear out articles from magazines about women who were over forty baring children for the first time, and I would smile politely and think, yeah right?

And my one friend who i love dearly who is serving life with no hope of parole, use to tell me- “Trae’ don’t worry God is preparing for you?”

I’d say, “How Chas? What do you mean?”

She said, “He’s preparing a husband for you, a father that needs a mother for his children.”

I’d say, “Where’s the Mom?”

She’d say, “I don’t know maybe the Mom died or left.”

I thought about all the motherless children out there and I began to believe a little more each time Chas reiterated it.

Fast forward five years, I’m home, in a half-way house working my first job as a Hostess at a Five Star Restaurant. But mind you I’m just home after 23 years of prison… you’re damn right I’ve got my eyes peeled for a man. Preferably, the man of Chas’s Prayers.

As I said I’m still in the halfway house so I’m under D.O.C. (Department of Correction) so the only place I could go outside of the half-way house was MY JOB. I took as many hours as I could get just to be slightly freer. Then like a dummy I started flirting with a guy who also worked in the restaurant- in the end I could honestly say I found out why dating in the workplace is frowned upon. But back then when I learned he had a two-year-old son- OMG I thought this is it- Holy fuck! Nope it was not and never would be. Let’s call him “the Ex” and for this reason-

Baby mama took “the drama” to a whole new level, my best friend Chinita who so graciously got me the interview for that position and who is now the Restaurant Manager can attest.

It started with the phone calls. First, she the crazed caller knew too much, “the ex” apparently told her all about my conviction and other things I trusted him with.

I was 42 he was 28. Remember, I was away in prison for almost a quarter century. I went in a 19-year-old child -my development arrested- Like unbelievable… and came home 42.

“the ex” said, He and baby mama were broken up. I believed him but what did I know? I was locked away in the halfway house, and he was only with me at work. I figured he was cheating.

I’m promise my dear loyal readers I’m going to tell you about the calls- but first some historical background for context.

Thank God When I came home, I decided that I was going to tell the truth, weather there was ban the box or not- I was afraid someone could find out and try to use it to hurt me. I’d never allow anyone to become my friend without having the choice of whether they want to be what some might call a “murderers” friend.

Though that I am not -it’s an ugly label I live with, convicted by my own fear to go to trial. Anyway before coming home in Oct. 2015- I told everyone I was caged up with that-I’d tell everyone right off the bat, “look this is who I am- this is who I was- if you can’t handle that- bough out now!”

Because who would be dumb enough to think a person is the same after 23 years? I went in a child – the decision-making realm of my brain underdeveloped – its scientifically proven.

And then one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine years, tired yet? ten years, eleven, twelve, thirteen, Keep Going fourteen years, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, no huffing and puffing- no way out– eighteen years, nineteen, Is it over yet?  twenty, twenty one, (I’m giving you breaks because I wish I had one. But hang in there its almost over)- I’m beginning to see a light. Holy shit is freedom really possible? and twenty-two and finally that fabulous freeing – 23.

Now as I was saying- if anyone could think after all those birthdays, all those years that I am not a different person they are a fool. Further if they forfeit the chance to be my friend- screw them I thought. But I’d rather be honest about my crime upfront- no surprises no lies. I decided to live by this. Ok, I’m getting back to the baby mama drama and how I became a mom to a little boy.

Upon getting the job in the five-star restaurant, I was honest with everyone in the restaurant and surprisingly everyone there embraced me- people were amazingly accepting and even became friends. When the phone calls came two months into my working there.

We were certain who was calling, “Let me talk to the murder you’ve got working there?” Which Ones, we got a lot of murders working here.

At first, I thought it was cool how my co-workers responded protectively to her when she called. The angry female voice tried to pretend she was the sister of the victim in our case. But when she threatened via telephone to “shoot me like I shot her sister, I knew she hadn’t even read the newspaper article much less a relative. I knew who she was, it had to be her. She’d call again disguising voice, she threatened to “call the news and tell the world they have a murder working there!” Demanded they didn’t fire me.

One time she said she was a mom bringing her child to eat at the restaurants big New Year’s Celebration to watch the fireworks at Bushnell Park, she told my manager, “ Hi, I’m bringing my daughter to your restaurant  and heard there was a murderer working there, could you give her the night off I don’t feel safe eating there with her working.”

My manager responded in a pitying voice “Aw sorry you feel that way you’ll just have to find somewhere else to take your daughter.”

We could only toy back so long, I asked the guy I was with- if he thought it was her? – he denied it. I told him, “if it is to tell her to stop because my boss said one more call, we were calling the cops.”  BUT He said no-no and no it couldn’t be her.

This last time she called I was ready- I watched a lot of TV in Jail- so I know some super spy -get you to confess detective moves– I answered proudly, “Vito’s By the Park, Tracie speaking how may I help you?”

“Bitch I’m coming there tonight and I’m going to blow up you and your whole restaurant.”

It was time to call the cops but first my planned response to her next threat, “Well just so you know if you shoot me its two charges, you’ll be shooting my unborn child too!”

“What? He said you can’t get pregnant you’re too old.”

Ahah! Caught ya! It was her all along! Crazy baby mama, and no I wasn’t pregnant at all, but I knew if it was her calling, she’d blow her cover.

We began to argue for good measure I guess, and then She said IT, “If you ever go near my son, I will take him to court and have him tell them you touched him and send you back to prison forever.” I told her “I’m not pregnant, and just to let you know I’m not snitching, I’m telling!” I advised her “ to strait up expect the police.”

As promised the owner of the restaurant ruled that we had to report it.

I told the cop my story and that I didn’t want her in jail- the police asked my manager for a body count. I guess each person, both employees and patrons who were in the restaurant during her threatening calls constitutes another potential count or charge.

If the cop arrested, her and phone records would convict her, she could go to jail for a very long time. I told the cop my story- my history. Weird me sitting with this cop reporting someone. I told him, “ after serving twenty-three years I cannot in good conscience help, not send anyone to jail, much less take a mother away from a toddler. I understood that she was acting out of jealousy- But the calls, the threats it had to stop. It was interfering with the operations of my place of employment. And the threats about having the child lie on me in court, hell no I was good.

So, I asked the cop, “just scare her, let her know how serious what she did is, and that we don’t want her to lose her kid by going to jail, so to just stop.” I also told him to tell her, “I was dumping her baby daddy.”

After the cop left, I notified him of our status change, “I’m sorry but you had a baby with her, you have to deal with her for 18 years NOT ME! She’s crazy and I ain’t going back to jail for no one! Ain’t that much love in the world.” He said, he understood.

The phone calls stopped, and “the ex” went about his business at work, I went about mine.

Mind you he- my now X still worked in the restaurant. and Remember, I was still fresh out and man crazy.

The girls at the halfway house had told me about Tinder a dating site. So, I signed up and found myself bored. Now picture this, I’m at my host desk the day after my birthday and no customers are there yet so I’m fidgeting on my phone at my Hostess Station. “The ex” walks by and says, “Who ya texting?”

“No one, I’m on Tinder.”

He tried to act unscathed, “Any matches?”

“No just a bunch of white guys.” I was goading him.

“Oh, you want Puerto-Ricans like me You should try Badoo.”

And I did.

Yeah ex you can eat your suggestion because I found Joey’s profile, we instantly clicked. I immediately told Joey over the phone before meeting him.

Me- “Look I have something to tell you before anything, it may be a deal breaker.”

Joey- “Okay tell me, but then I have something to tell you.”

Me- “I just got out of jail and was in for a murder that happened 23 years ago.”

Joey- “Oh, I know lots of people who been in jail, everybody makes mistakes, I was in prison from age 14 until I was 21. I don’t judge.”

Me- “That was easy, what’s your big secret it can’t be worse than mine.”

Joey- “Ok, I have five kids and I have custody of three of them. There Mom ran off 6 mts ago.”

Woah, his really was complicated, but I liked him, and I had to wonder, is this what Chas talked about?

When he introduced me to his two and a half-year-old son Xavier via face time, I knew.

I met them at a McDonalds as I couldn’t go far, and he didn’t live close. I met his then 7-year-old daughter Sierra, and she was instantly sweet and affectionate, we bonded while she and Xavier enjoyed their Happy Meals.

The 12-year-old on the other hand, wasn’t so keen on Tracie. I found this out when she told me, she could tell I was 43, because of my wrinkles. lol (as if) I didn’t blame her, no one jumps for joy at the idea of their Dad getting a new woman. but I knew I’d win her over. And I have. She labeled me her Stepmom within a few months. These three kids immediately won my heart, especially Xavier- he was and is my dream child. I believe I was meant to be in these children’s lives. And Miraculously when I met the oldest two kids, from his first and only marriage- Kiara and Joey JR. I got along with them and loved them too. Yes, five kids, some days it gets exhausting. I just came home and have a lot of life to live but I love this family God Prepared for me.

Xavier is now turning 6, Sierra is turning 11, Olivia the brat, who made the wrinkle comment is about to be 16. And despite what she says when I don’t give her own way, she loves me. I’ve been helping Joey raise them for four years this January. Unfortunately, I don’t have the security of being their biological mother or custodial parent. But I do have the opportunity to love them, teach them, nourish them and encourage them to have their best lives.

Watching Xavier grow these last few years has been a phenomenal experience; I listen to him talk- I smile and laugh at the amazing things that come out of his little mouth. In fact, tonight what inspired me to write this article is a conversation with my five year old son- now that I’ve explained how he came to me.

Xavier is in the bathtub in full of bubbles, he calls me because he wants to get out. I see him stand up,

Me- “Wait Xavier, drain the water and turn on the shower, you got to rinse the soap off, cause if you don’t it will get dry on your skin and it’ll get flakey and make you itchy!”

Xavier- “Woo hoo, you really do learn something new every day!”

i love him, i love these kids, i love Joey-btw “the ex” has since went on to have baby #2 with baby mama. Best of Luck to them, I don’t miss the phonecalls. lol

goodnight readers share my stories- and write!

 

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